Kid's Birthdays

[Old Monkey]

I grew up poor in Marin County California one of the wealthiest places in America. We always knew that we weren't like other families. I just listened as my friends talked about goings skiing or taking trips to Hawaii. I thought it was somehow shameful that all we ever did was go camping(something I am proud of now). I remember going out with other kids and sitting in fast food restaurants and not ordering anything for myself because I didn't have two cents in my pocket. Now I am a dad and I can provide a bit more for my own kid, which is a great thing. Here's my dilemma though, I don't want my daughter to feel the way I did but I don't want her to be spoiled with no sense of financial boundaries either . I have been thinking about this as we just celebrated her 5th birthday and kids seem to get as much toys these days in one birthday as I had my whole childhood. Even the kids who attend parties get their own gift bags. Imagine expecting a present for yourself on someone else's birthday? I hope we're not producing a generation of brats. There is too much junk in kids lives by half.

 

[vharrison]

Darin, party favors for the children attending the party has been a tradition for a long time. No biggie unless you get to extravagant. As for you raising a brat, not happening.

 

[sotc]

as she gets older and asks for money, give her a chore. easy to say when mines a toddler

 

[GASoline71]

Wait until your kid is 12 or 15 Willie...

Mine are money pits...

I agree Darin... I didn't have nearly half of the crap my kids are used to having when I was young. I had a very happy childhood and teen years.

Gary

 

[TC3]

A truly fun activity will override $$$ IMO.
Tie-die t-shirts.
Those mosaic-ish plaster of Paris garden path stones that kids make are awesome.
A scavenger hunt.
A bon fire.
An icecream sundae 'buffet'. Do-it-yourself style.
A "Make A Card" art table.
Request ahead of time (on the invites ?) that it is a NO GIFT party. Rather, ask each kid to bring a (wrapped) book for an exchange.
Pinatas can be made creative (not a shitload of candy).
Involve your child in all the party prep & throughout. You'd be amazed.
Be sure to have plenty of candy cigarettes for everyone.
F**king it up is a rite of passage for parents.
I sent miniature squirt guns as a 'treat' for Rachel's 1st grade class instead of a sweet. The principal called me & said if I came to the school & picked them up immediately that they would not call the police. Honest.

 

[stehansen]

On that note TC one thing left from our kid's childhood are some plates that they made at the neighbor's house. The neighbor bought some "raw" plates and the kids draw on them and then the plates are either sent off to be fired or they may have done that in the oven, I can't remember which. When I replace my lost camera I will take some pictures for you.

 

[pantheraba]

TC's got it happening...we gave my son a dinosaur party when he was 5 or 6...planted dog bones in the yard with a treasure map to go with it (draw it up to personalize it to your yard) and the kids got to find the treasures. They had a blast.

It started getting real cold as the party wound down, a front was coming in (January) and it started snowing lightly. Alex and I made a fire and roasted weenies in the snow...I obviously had a good time since I still remember it...usually, if I am having a good time the kids are too. After all these years some of his friends still bring up that party.

 

[Che]

Don't give in, Darin. LOTS of us think that exact same way.

I don't want my daughter to feel the way I did

Why not? You may not have understood it as a child, but now as an adult you understand why. Better to teach these lessons now than when there's a credit rating involved in years to come.

I hated my curfews, hell....NO ONE ELSE HAD ONE WHY DID I!!!!! Now, I realize that it kept me out of some deep trouble that I may not have been able to have gotten out of easily. My kids have curfews and they feel the same way I did. Tough.

It is so much easier to PAY for kid's parties than to have to actually participate and THINK.

The worst thing you can do to a child is to give them a feeling of 'entitlement', IMHO. Birthdays are a celebration....well for some, anyway

 

[Al Smith]

I grew up with a rather Spartan exisistance although it was not neccessary .My father had a really good job and left my mother a very wealthy widow .

I got married to a wanna be daughter of John D Rockerfeller who thought she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth .I would have prefered to place the spoon elsewhere but will refrain from elaborating .

My children had the best of everything ,still do . While my son at least has it figured out money doesn't grow on trees my daughter has not reached that conclusion yet .

So ,all that said IMO it's okay to shower them with gifts but don't raise a daughter that has the mind to bankrupt every male that pays the least bit of attention to her later in life . I know,every situation is different .

 

[Hobby Climber]

Simple...Moderation!

Once you daughter does not appriciate your efforts...its time to ease up on your efforts! In the meantime, spoil her like only a dad can!

Just wait until she's a teen. Yoy'll know because thats when the hair you have left goes gray and the rest falls out!


HC

 

[Mr. Sir]

When kids are Haley's age, they only want one thing from their daddy: LOVE and they spell it T-I-M-E. Keep depositing into that account and as she grows it will never be overdrawn.

 

[CurSedVoyce]

Well said

 

[SkwerI]

Well said, Brett. I don't remember how much money my dad spent on me as a kid, but I remember that he was never home and he never spent any time with me. I'd get drug along when he wanted to go do something (if he couldn't make other arrangements for me), but he never sought out things for us to do together. And it was usually my fault, my stepmother constantly reminded me of that. I wish I was a big enough man to get past that crap, but it still affects my outlook today and I doubt I'll ever feel like I belong anywhere.

 

[CurSedVoyce]

I do what I do now so I have "family time" and my kids and Robs kids are much better for it

 

[MasterBlaster]

Youse guyz are lucky. I've no family, kin or any of that stuff. Just a few friends.

But that's cool.

 

[CurSedVoyce]

Hey friends can be family too boss..

 

[Che]

I wish I was a big enough man to get past that crap, but it still affects my outlook today and I doubt I'll ever feel like I belong anywhere.

Off topic, but Brian.....have you ever thought about making a change in your life now. You had a shitty past, but unless you do something to change it....you're doomed to keep on reliving it forever. There are so many kids in the same place you were.....I bet if you would GIVE of yourself....help change someone else's outlook....you could help yourself at the same time. Maybe a little volunteer time somewhere is in order...

Everyone deserves happiness....but sometimes you just have to make it happen.

 

[stehansen]

Big Brother/Big Sister?

 

[Old Monkey]

I think Brian would do better in the Big Brother program myself.

 

[SkwerI]

I apologize for derailing the thread, it wasn't my intent. My point was that because you spend time with your daughter and make her life a part of your life, then the amount of money spent or not spent is irrelevent.

 

[Old Monkey]

Probably true but I worry none the less. Some kid at the party had a fit because his mother said it was time to go.
"I haven't even gotten my present yet!" he screamed. Giving kids presents for attending a birthday party where they play, have fun and eat chocolate cake just seemed a bit much at that moment. I have suggested that we do not do gift bags for our friends next year but I am the meanie of the household. My wife is a little more indulgent when it comes to getting Haley things. She gets good stuff for Haley, decent presents that are not just plastic junk. I just think she has too much stuff, even though I know she has less than half the amount of stuff as any of her friends.

 

[sotc]

sheesh, what kinda libs are you anyway!? give anything she wants!!

 

[Old Monkey]

She just got her first barbi despite our misgivings. I didn't want her to be able to tell her therapist someday that we wouldn't let her have one.

 

[sotc]

haha thats funny

 

[Che]

It's worth it, Darin. Keep your eye on the big picture.

For what its worth, Christmas is always hard for me. Within 20 minutes I can feel like I'm giving to much, then switch to feeling like I'm being too tight. I had a WONDERFUL rule of thumb (thanks to Dear Abby I think) I'll post when I can remember it. Sure helped.

Edit, two hours later: Nope....couldn't remember, couldn't find it in google either* But it was something along the lines of giving ONE from each group to a child, they don't have to be extravagant items:

1) Creative (paints, markers, tools, models, kits)
2) Clothes (pjs, slippers, hats, cool mittens, etc....underwear is never appreciated, though)
3) Book
4) Strictly Fun (the 'I wants' fit in here)
5) Active (soccer ball, glock, etc)

That made the YOUNG years pretty simple....more difficult later, but I'd make sure that the TOTAL $ didn't get too wacky (easy to happen when electronic crap takes over)

Important: Never, EVER.....give a child a tv to have in his/her room. I never did, much to their dismay, and have read so much since that time supporting the decision. I would think the same would be said about computers now