The New Parenting Thread

[TC3]

I stumble along, really. But I've learned some truths :
Any time you can avoid the words, "NO!" or, "Don't!" or, "You can't!", it will work towards your's & your child's benefit.
Telling a child what NOT to do will serve you for the moment. Telling a child what to DO will serve them for a lifetime.
My middle child does not want to go to school. She is a drop-out, and I am sad for her. How do I get her to finish what she starts ???

 

[NeTree]

A swift kick in the ass will do.

 

[MasterBlaster]

Except nowadays you can go to jail for that.

 

[NeTree]

Not if you don't leave a mark.

 

[Frans]

My mom used to pour a bit of her cocktail into our bottle to keep us quiet.
Nowadays, Child Protective Services would be called in...

 

[NeTree]

Yep... they'd call it abuse now, but when I was growing up you didn't see too many 10 year olds yelling profanities at their moms, either.

 

[lumberjack]

Tell Rach I said to get her head out of her ass and back in school. She aint got but a couple-few years to finish HS, and life is alot better with those little educational certificates. Compare income averages of drop outs, GEDers, HSers, and college grads +. Does the thought of being forced (key word) to be a career waitress/pizza jockey really sound all that great?


Oh, and a boot in the ass works wonders. Two would work better, however you seem to lose your footing when swinging both feet, resulting in busting your own backside.

Seriously, telling kids no is just dandy so long as you explain why.

I plan on whipping the shit outta my kid(s) when they need it.

 

[MasterBlaster]

Start charging her rent and board, ASAP.

 

[lumberjack]

If she went back to school, I wouldn't charge her, otherwise it sounds fitting.

 

[MasterBlaster]

But of course.

 

[TheTreeWiseMen]

Ask her whether she prefers pumping gas or flippin' burgers.

 

[OLD PUP]

I've got a daughter, she's about to turn 39 yrs.old.. When young she was same as you describe. Working with me , just like play ! Then suggested today's equivelent of Merry Maids. Cleaning houses ( scrubbing floors, toilets & picking-up after other people. Working 40-45 hrs. per wk.(minimum wages).Then making her pay room & board, buying her own clothes & paying for her own entertainment. Saturday/ no mall, stay home , clean her own room. When finished help your mother w/ chores. Result: She was back in school (voluntarily) insight of 10 days. No further discussion was ever necessary!!!

 

[Frans]

Butch said: Start charging her rent and board, ASAP.

Thats actually very very good advice. Want to be an adult? Then be an adult!


Hopefully she wont go into a life of being homeless, but you do gotta take care of yourself, and having a kid taking advantage of you is not a good option

 

[SkwerI]

I just read an article the other day (maybe yesterday) that said most women feel a sense of entitlement. And the more attractive they are, the more likely that they feel entitled. I guess that's because most men tend to give damn near anything to a pretty girl.

So if she's attractive, then she needs to work it to get her free ride. Otherwise she needs to git to work and pay her own way.

 

[NeTree]

There is an undoubted difference in income between the grad and the dropouts, for sure.

Deeper than that, though... what's the issue at school? It could be the schoolwork, but there could be a social issue driving her desire to stay away.

 

[Blinky]

TC, I do the same. I think parents stumble along because kids are basically two steps ahead of us the whole time.

I don't say no very often either, so when I do, they know I'm serious. They can cuss, give each other a hard time, let their rooms be messy but no to dope, no to smoking, no to playing before homework, no to getting in trouble at school. So far, so good. Both A/B students taking AG classes, both seriously involved in sports.

Junior is actually looking like he has lacrosse scholarship potential. He's defensive point, the only 7th grader who starts and plays all 4 quarters. Here he is laying out an 8th grader like he was chopped liver...

My girl is only 10 and already diving at the Junior Olympic level... I have no idea what makes her tick but it's fun trying to figure her out.

I'm bragging for real this time. I may suck at just about everything else, but my kids ROCK.

About a year ago I started slapping them across the top of the head when they do something idiotic but other than that, they've never been hit by an adult.

My dad and mom beat the daylights out of me when I screwed up. I set some kind of school record for the most licks ever accumulated by a 7th grader. It didn't even slow me down... just made me distrust adults and authority that much more. ...and it was climbing rock that finally made me get my act together.

I believe high expectations get better results than high discipline. A kid with high expectations for their self will develop their own self discipline.

 

[Frans]

climbing rock?

 

[Hobby Climber]

Each child is different and what works with one may not work with the other. Communication is very important so unless you are a mind reader, keep the lines open stay involved.

Its kinda hard in this day & age when both parents have to work. I can tell you from all the kids that pass my "day job work-place" that the common denominator is a disruption or tragedy in the family. Kids will be more likely to get in trouble and end up with the wrong pier group. They will act out aggressively and thats easy to explain.

Aggression masks fear!

Without proper guidance kids get a little out of hand. If they know where they are going to be after high school... ie- college university workplace etc. They are much calmer because they know where they are heading.

If they don't have a game plane and don't know where they will be in the next 5 years... this will scare the hell out of them!!! They will tend to avoid doing well in school trying to stop time in its place so they don't have to face the future ...and their fear of the unknown!!!

As mentioned earlier, they will act out in unusual ways in attempts to shock the parents to see just where the limits are that the parents impose. They just want to know what the boundries are so they can feel safe & comfortable while living at home. Without guidelines/rules and "expectations", some kids have a hard time copping. They will tend to SHOCK you by doing weird things to get your attention and force you to respond to what they don't want to admit is bothering them...future!

Instead of telling your kids this or that to try & help them... Try asking them what they want to talk about!

They will yack about other things to feel you out before they trust you with their deep issues. It will be like gaining their trust all over again... strange but true as they get older.

The most important thing is to be there and available for them. Because if your not there for them...who will be?

The more they Appear that they don't want you (resist, fight, argue, shock you, do poorly in school etc.), ...THE MORE THEY NEED YOU!!!.


Stability comes with: Communication, Structure, Tolerance & Love!


Good luck to all of us who have kids. HC