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If you wanted to tell them something that would make them happier, say the ants may keep termites out of the tree. That's a bit of a lie. Ants and termites can coexist if they stay out of each other's way. The rivalry is a bit overstated, but there's an element of truth there.

I don't know much about it, but my first inclination would be diatomaceous earth. That's assuming I was willing to take it on in the first place. I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm not that willing to do dumb shit. It's my way or no way. Everything serves a role, including the ants. The...