Ever felt "Back-stabbed" ?? ... I sure did this month

mdvaden

Treehouser
Joined
May 4, 2007
Messages
1,456
If you ever dealt with similar ... feel free to share a few things you did to forget about it, or move on. I will add that part later in reply

About 2 years ago, a couple asked me to look at their trees. About 450. Some w/ twine left on. Long story short, they canned their landscaper, and that was a good decision for crystal clear signs like twine left on trunks starting, girdling, and a few other things.

I did not want that kind of weekly commitment work and tried to get someone else in there I knew, but they didn't hire, and one day I decided to offer my help. The monthly fee for the 1 acre landscape and care of trees on over 8 acres was appealing. But I took it mainly because they were nice people and had a long term vision to develop habitat, groves of trees and the landscaping.

Over the two years, they said I was more than a friend, trusted me, and even referred to a like family. Effort was made to prepare meals or snacks weekly if not twice a week, and after being asked to watch their house once, I was offered key and access to the home if needed.

To shorten that part of the story ... now jump ahead to a month ago.

The wife got sick (husband already has a serious health matter) ... and truly sick. One of their older children started taking over some responsibilities, and sent me notes not to send any emails or call the parents. (note ... I got emails up to two or three a night from the parents, especially the mom, who has the greater interest in the plant and tree care, plus about 15 bluebirds and the habitat)

In few days, the daughter asks for a copy of the landscape contract to learn about what details I cover. But her other questions denoted she was digging her nose in beyond that.

About a week ago, the daughter sent a letter of termination, mentioned that there was fear among her parents toward me.

I requested a letter from her parents since she cannot stop our contract legally. Then she started flipping-out. I suggested that the other option was for me to write and cancel the agreement, and I could send copies of her emails to document the basis for my letter. The daughter then said not to send any mail, otherwise they would contact the parents attorneys, stating they specialize in "elder abuse".

So ...

They don't know ... and I would not be bothered if they found out ... but I drove a couple miles, took the elevator up 5 floors, and went into the law office of their attorneys. I brought a book .. the book that the family made their wealth from. And opened to the signed page with a personal note indicating the family-like relationship we used to have, up to 4 weeks ago.

I did not make accusations. But just relayed the story of how our friendship developed. And suggested it may be worth them knowing about someday. Not for me ... but for them in case something pops up in an ugly manner someday.

In the meantime, I sold several thousand dollars worth of mowers and equipment, at a loss, that I purchase for that property, and that property only.

It is a sizable chunk of income missing at the moment. On the other hand, I'm sure I can make a transition and find ways to make up for it. But it would have been nice to have at least the courtesy of a month's notice, if not two months, about them switching services.

Personally, I don't buy the quality of service notes I was getting the last few days, because the message didn't add up.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #2
To convey the size of the place, here's an image I put together to keep track of the irrigation zones. The landscape installer never provided them with a plan for the irrigation. I don't think there ever was a plan.

You can see the nature trail I smoothed out and mowed around the field, I wraps around the home and up over a berm. It's 1/2 mile one way to walk the loop.
 

Attachments

  • zones.jpg
    zones.jpg
    254.1 KB · Views: 139
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5
What helped me for now, was to quickly put this behind me and get my mind in gear doing other stuff I re-organized my garage, tools and office. And I sold the mowers and equipment almost instantaneously. Not so much for the extra cash, but so all my space is available for whatever I need or want to do from here forward. And to clear negative reminders out of my space.

.....

Back to the situation ...

One email from the daughter referred to a key that I "persuaded" her parents to give me. That's actually one of the statements that led me to spare time sharing with the law office.

That's back-ass-wards.

Last year, the couple took a trip up the Columbia River Gorge, and asked me if I would watch their house. When they returned, I was going to return the key to them, but was told to keep it, and they were comfortable with me having the alarm code to the house. But I never asked for any keys to begin with, similar maybe, to how I never asked to work for them in the beginning.

My daughter and future son and law came to watch a movie at the house, and overheard enough key and alarm code conversations to confirm that the "persuaded" thing is not true. Screen_1200.jpg
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8

Maybe 70-ish

Other than the husband having a health condition, the wife stands on her feet pretty good. Has a sharp mind too. She just finished writing a small book last year, and it was evident how well she can focus on details. Had no probably driving and doing errands either. Other than getting something like flu or whatever a few weeks ago, her mind is in good shape. Her husband's mind is sound too.

That's why it was so shocking that this drastic change in behavior or thinking occured in a few weeks. One thing I do know ... I didn't talk to the parents, so it certainly wasn't me who changed their thinking. Had it just been the parents, if they really had wanted a change of service, I'm certain they would have discussed it face to face.

But having heard about 6 weeks ago "this place is the best its every looked" ... the situation is suspicious.
 
Can't you contact the wife about what transpired, maybe enquire by letter? At least learn what caused the change of heart. Given her highly discourteous offspring, she might be as confused about the whole thing as you are. They could very well have told her lies, saying you did one thing or another. She might just have to consider cutting them out of the will, something that could save their lives.
 
Yeah, probably best holistically speaking, but if it was me, I'd be wondering wtf for awhile. I like to at least know why I'm getting sh@t on, not that there might be anything to want to do about it.
 
I don't buy the its 'family' so keep out. If I felt like these people were my friends I'd talk to them about it. You can choose your friends you can't choose your family.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #16
I don't buy the its 'family' so keep out. If I felt like these people were my friends I'd talk to them about it. You can choose your friends you can't choose your family.

When I was emailing or texting, the daughter was intercepting some messages on their phone and replying not to message back. She probably has permission to dig through their mail too.

After being around the parents for a couple of years, my feeling is, if they don't send a question to ask why, their household is probably not "ears" to discussing. And I have a feeling it would only be worthwhile face to face in real discussion instead of fragmented letters or emails.

Its doubtful I would want to work up there again anyway.
 
I have seen this many times with the rich and the kids get involved. "stop spending your money I want it when you die"
 
Where there is a will, there is a family - Lol!

I wonder if the parents were broke, would the kids be as eager to help their parents with chores, up keep, and bathing as they are to help protect the nest egg?

This is the one reason I am all for a hefty inheritance tax. It could also be called the, "I didn't do anything to earn this tax"
 
It would certainly interesting to hear things from the daughter's perspective.
I know that in the case of my elderly father, I cringe / bristle whenever he speaks in glowing terms of how nice his financial investor at Dominion Securities (Royal Bank of Canada) is, and how well she is managing his account. The (care and feeding of a retirement nest egg) wheels kinda fell off when my mom died, and dad has just way too much trust in this banker, and far too little knowledge of how much she is costing him in commissions / fees. I regard this particular individual as nothing more than a parasite preying on my dad's financial gullibility / ignorance.
 
Maybe it's just this part of the world, but I sure do hear of a lot of fighting between siblings over the inheritance from parents. It destroys families. Hard to think of a bigger shame, imo. Sometimes doing a better job of having a clear will can be of much benefit in alleviating potential problems, probably can sometimes help create them as well. Some people will want to fight about it no matter what is done, it seems. Money messes people up.
 
We've been in limbo for three and a half years over my dad's estate. My step mother is being a princess... Par for course.

Updating a Will or Trust is important, and expensive, but worthwhile.
 
Absolutely.
Since I have a brother that I can't stand and haven't seen for 30+ years, I always make sure my will is up to date.
Don't want to die and have him inherit anything if I can help it.
 
Back
Top