The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread

"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Robbie.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Robbie what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Robbie and trouble were old friends but he always told the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreled shot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!''
"Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barrelled 12-gauge shotgun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been pluckin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"
 
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How Long?

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I glanced at the home page and noticed this... If you didn't know the context (and overall subject matter) it could strike you as pretty funny!
 
Cleavage is like the sun; you can only look at it for a second, but with dark glasses you can stare much longer
 
Every time I see a "Garage Sale" "Yard Sale" or "Porch Sale", I really have to restrain the urge to go and ask them "How much?"
I guess in Detroit, they skip that question and just take it...
 
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a former Marine sergeant takes a job as a high school teacher.

Just before the school year started he injured his back and had to wear a cast around his torso. Fortunately it stopped under his arms and so could be hidden by his shirt.

On the first day of school he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. The young punks, having already heard of his Marine history were already leery of him, and he was sure they were bound to test his discipline in the classroom.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he calmly picked up a stapler and stapled it to his chest.

Dead Silence...
The rest of the year went smoothly.
 
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