The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread

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That thing has to be flightless!
 
Finally did get to use a good line I have been sitting on for a time.
Guys delivering the portable toilets at the range.
Head guy said, " you look really familiar"
I spouted back, " not really sure man, but I did do some porn back in the day"

His helper about hit the ground watching his bosses chin drop speechess.
No, really, I've done porn.

Funny story really, and I've been drinking again so...

My step dad used to love to take a cold pitcher of water, like ice cold, slushy, from the freezer, and douse me while I was in the shower. We had those old school navy type showerheads, with the push-button, and he'd reach over the curtain, hit that button and drench you in ice water at the same time.

I spent three years away from home, between military school and living at my grandad's. When I came home, with a little money in my pockets from working with the old man, I remodeled my mom's bathrooms. Floor to ceiling tile, new fixtures, the works. But I didn't change the shower head, since the ranch was off grid, and the "instant off" feature of the USN shower head made sense. They got soaked in CLR and went back up, don't fix what ain't broke, right.

In my absence, I had gone from peach fuzz, to a "well developed young man". So when dad conducted his so called, "Nazi water torture", whilst I, as a young man, was "exploring my body", he got a sizeable surprise.

He shook his head while looking at the floor and said. "You should probably think about doing porn, else that thing is gonna be useless to you." and walked out.

It's a dirty, nasty, industry folks. Many people die from it, that's the real, hard truth. STDs are only a tiny issue, compared to never being human. It's soul crushing, suicide is incredibly common. I was lured in by a girl I thought I loved, who wanted to do "sensual, erotic, incredibly intimate things" with me.

I ended up spending six months living on a sailboat off of Ilsa Vista, with five other guys, playing stud pony to a dozen, equally drugged up, young European women.

I'm glad I got out when I did, another tattoo, and I wouldn't have been able to hide my identity at all. My scruffy beard does a good job of that now, so I won't be shaving, since I was "talent" for a pretty large production company. Most of my "colleagues" are out now too, if only because we've aged out. Some of the guys tried to hold out, and some of the girls transitioned to "MYLF", most have just faded away to nothing. More have died in anonymous overdoses than anything. Still hurts to read their names in the obituary. Hurts more that it's all the same, "opioid overdose".
 
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