The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread

I’m watching South Africa play Pakistan at cricket in my armchair in France

TV is great.
 

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I love it. Played a little at a very low standard after retiring from football, gave me an appreciation of the skills.

Like baseball I guess, it’s an acquired taste.
 
I used to listen to it on the radio when I worked in New Zealand.
Listening to a game that goes on for days.....weeks?...........years?, when you have no idea about the rules or what constitutes a win is a weird experience, indeed.

I've had acid trips that made that seem normal.
 
I know, it took years to really appreciate its stupidities and beautiful complexities.

Recent technological innovations regarding cameras and umpire decisions have improved the viewing experience.

Only Bermy on here has any appreciation of it (afaik) other SDs (shackle draggers aka Australians) on here may say otherwise.
 
"Shackle draggers":lol::lol::lol::lol:

For a Frenchman, you really have the most wonderfull British humour.

( I take it we both know where I'm going with this.)
 
I know, it took years to really appreciate its stupidities and beautiful complexities.

Recent technological innovations regarding cameras and umpire decisions have improved the viewing experience.

Only Bermy on here has any appreciation of it (afaik) other SDs (shackle draggers aka Australians) on here may say otherwise.
Another cricket addict here. I played a bit & had county trials for Yorkshire
 
Quite so B.

I remember standing in the slips and the ball flying off the edge of the bat and heading towards my face like a cannonball, I was pleased that was able to save my own life by removing my face from the trajectory, only to be met with disapproval by my teammates for not catching it!
 
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.
 

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A man lies dying; his wife is by his bedside.

He says in a weakened voice, “There is something I must confess.”

“Shhhh,” said the wife, “there is nothing to confess.”

She holds his hand and caresses his head.

“Everything is all right,” she whispers.

“NO!!” the husband replied, “I must die in peace...

I had sex with your sister, your best friend, her best

friend and your best friend's mum!”

“I know,” she whispered, “That's why I poisoned you.

Now close your eyes.”
 
LEARNING TO CUSS
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss". The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass".
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies,
"Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios".

WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios".
 
When my daughter was five I was working out in the backyard one day and she comes out and ask me, 'dad what is sex?'

Holy shit I thought, pretty young for this conversation. So red cheeked I give my best PG version of what sex is. My daughters eyes are getting wider and wider and I'm stammering and all embarrassed.

Finally I ask, 'who mentioned sex to you?'

She replies, 'mom told me to come out and get you, dinners ready in a couple secs'.
 
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