The Redneck Thread.

[fishhuntcutwood]

Pics, stories, jokes, whatever.

I'll start it off.

Redneck tank top. :lol:

[Bodean]

Ha!

[Paul B]

redneck grill

[Rotax Robert]

Rotax's desktop

[Paul B]

http://www.thisthatother.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/Redneck%20Winder%20(Medium).jpg

http://www.kk.org/streetuse/redneck_houseboat.jpg

http://outhouserag.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/10/22/redneck_wedding_party_limo.jpg

http://outhouserag.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/10/01/dirty_rider.jpg

[top hopper]

Im sure it was posted here, probably where I got it....

[squisher]

:)

[Bodean]

How do you know the toothbrush was invented by Redneck's?

It coulda been called a teethbrush.

[The Branch Doctor]

:lol: :lol:

I've been accused of being a redneck once or twice.

[Chisel Tooth]

I love it a redneck thread!
See Ya
Mike

[flyboy]

I could go on with redneck stories all night being from South Carolina.My wife is more redneck than I am,though I ended up in the ER with a major concussion once and the last thing I remember was saying "hey ya'll watch this!"

[Rotax Robert]

Brand new 2007 edition of... "You know you're a redneck when...."

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20.. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado! hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

[fishhuntcutwood]

It's funny Rotax, that some people think you're exaggerating. There's houses in my hometown that to this day don't have running water. And that's no joke! It's not for poverty, they just don't think they need it.

[stehansen]

We had one bathroom in our house torn apart for a re-model and while doing that project they drilled through the shower pan for the upstairs bathroom and as the floor and most of the walls were tile they had to redo all of the tile. We parked our travel trailer in the driveway for a bathroom and I got the redneck jokes like "what's the first thing Hansen does when he has to go to the bathroom? He puts on his coat of course.

[sotc]

21 is the funniest one there, other than steves:)

[Frans]

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back. :)

[Mike Maas]

I was at this guys farm house one time, and in the kitchen they had several fly traps, the ones that you hang and pull down to expose a sticky surfce. Anyway, every trap had every possible exposed surfce covered by a fly, and in some spots it looked like they were two or three deep.
Even as full as they were they didn't take them down, like they were some kind of redneck decoration.
Not really a joke, but I'll never forget that.

[fishhuntcutwood]

Not a decoration Mike, but rather, they'll go four deep, so those hanging traps still had their money's worth to earn!

[Rotax Robert]

damn staight they do, and when they finaly do get full they make one heck of a soup base.

[MasterBlaster]

OR a crunchy snack!

[vharrison]

ugh

[Stumper]

Double Ugh.

[MasterBlaster]

You ever watch "Survivor Man?"

Ha.

[GASoline71]

Yep... good show! :)

Gary

[Frans]

You ever watch "Survivor Man?"

Ha.

Have you noticed that even the 'experts' on Survivorman go without food for days on end?

The one lesson I took away with me from watching that show was that you MUST start eating right away.
If you wait until you are so hungry that that disgusting bug looks appetizing, you will be too weak to survive another day.


So, if you are ever in a remote area and your plane crashes, start eating your dead fellow passengers right away. :P Yumm!

[Tom_Scheller]

The one lesson I took away with me from watching that show was that you MUST start eating right away.
:P Yumm!

3 minutes without oxygen
3 days without water

...and 30 days without food.

You do NOT need to eat right away. Your body is amazing at recycling itself. That's always made me angry watching that show. Why risk getting a debilitating intestinal disease by eating raw critters when, provided you have water, you absolutely don't need to.

TS

[MasterBlaster]

Mmmmm, BUGS!!!

[Frans]

3 minutes without oxygen
3 days without water

...and 30 days without food.

You do NOT need to eat right away. Your body is amazing at recycling itself. That's always made me angry watching that show. Why risk getting a debilitating intestinal disease by eating raw critters when, provided you have water, you absolutely don't need to.

TS

Thanks for the good info.
For a few years now, I thought I would like to take a class on survival. Now I am thinking it is even a better idea.

Maybe the spring class? We will see..

Thanks again, but I hope I am never in that situation

[Chisel Tooth]

Amerika, the redneck map.

[Blinky]

If you've ever burnt a tire on the hood of your car to keep the engine from freezing, you might be Canadian redneck.

[Burnham]

If you've ever burnt a tire on the hood of your car to keep the engine from freezing, you might be Canadian redneck.

No, no...under the engine works much better.

Uh...I have heard.

:lol:

[Frans]

Why is it funny to make redneck jokes, but a criminal offense to make black people jokes?

[fishhuntcutwood]

Because it's their choice to be rednecks. And because being a redneck isn't a sterotype. They're rednecks because they have cars in their yard with a goat standing on the roof. We're not making any assumptions that just because they live in a trailer with beer cans strewn about the yard that they're a redneck....they just are rednecks plain and simple.

[sotc]

religion is the same :dur: were far to politically correct

[sawinredneck]

Because it's their choice to be rednecks. And because being a redneck isn't a sterotype. They're rednecks because they have cars in their yard with a goat standing on the roof. We're not making any assumptions that just because they live in a trailer with beer cans strewn about the yard that they're a redneck....they just are rednecks plain and simple.

Now what the crap kind of statement was that? I was born redneck, I was raised redneck, it's ingrained, it's not a choice!!!
No, it's not racist, but it's prejudicial just the same!! MAN, picking on people just because the way they are raised, and they don't know better because they are undereducated and nobody seems to care, but it's sure easy to take a pot shot at us isn't it?
Man, thats just sick!

[Blinky]

Why is it funny to make redneck jokes, but a criminal offense to make black people jokes?

Cuz most redneck jokes are funnier. :)

Truth is, redneck IS a stereotype and people certainly DO discriminate against us... er, umm... them. Nobody ever made slaves out of rednecks BECAUSE they were rednecks though. Let's face it, ALL jokes about stereotypes are in bad taste to someone... or they wouldn't be funny to the rest of us.

[lumberjack]

Why is it funny to make redneck jokes, but a criminal offense to make black people jokes?

It's against the law to tell black jokes in Cali?

Whaddya call 100 black dudes burried up to their forehead? Afro-turf.


You might be a redneck if you've ever mounted an extra axle under a severly overloaded trailer. You don't add the extra axle to increase load carrying capacity, it's added so when a tire blows, the spare is already mounted.

[The Branch Doctor]

Because it's their choice to be rednecks. And because being a redneck isn't a sterotype. They're rednecks because they have cars in their yard with a goat standing on the roof. We're not making any assumptions that just because they live in a trailer with beer cans strewn about the yard that they're a redneck....they just are rednecks plain and simple.

Yep, that's how it is Jeff! Redneck is as redneck does... that's why we're rednecks. Oops, I admitted I'm a redneck.:O

Oh well, red happens. On a scary note, if some kind of apocalypse ever comes about you know damn well the rednecks will out survive ALL the city folk so the future of humanity will be from redneck genes.:|: Isn't that heart warming.;)

[lumberjack]

Cuz most redneck jokes are funnier. :)

Truth is, redneck IS a stereotype and people certainly DO discriminate against us... er, umm... them. Nobody ever made slaves out of rednecks BECAUSE they were rednecks though. Let's face it, ALL jokes about stereotypes are in bad taste to someone... or they wouldn't be funny to the rest of us.

The word slave came from the word Slav. Slavs were the white slaves of the Roman Empire (and later in history).

In theory "we've" all been slaves before. Get over it. :)

You might be a redneck if you were ever mowing your grass (burning it down apparently) and found a car.

You might be a redneck if any two guns you own cost more than the vehicle you drive.

You may be Red if you think it's perfectly reasonable to see how far the new tractor can drive through the freshly drained lake before becoming stuck as a couple of dogs.

You are Red if you've ever been to a family reunion and thought "damn, she's cute."

You are Red if you've ever seen how far your daily driven jeep can drive off in a lake before just to impress the female(s) in the vehicle with you with the end goal being A: you get stuck or B: you submarine it. (See picture at bottom)

You live in the Red if you've ever hit or nearly hit a cow while coming home from a girlfriend's house (no pics)

You are Red if you've ever given your wife a tractor for her birthday. You're Red as hell if the tractor was a year older than your wife. (no pics but it's outside)

You're red if immediately preceding a trip to the ER/veterinarian you've uttered the words "Hold my beer" or "Hey ya'll, watch 'is!"

You're Red and you live in the Red if your truck that's been stuck for the better part of a week has become the schools after school spectacle.

You're definitely Red if you've driven your tractor the gas station to fill it up. (See below)

You're Red if you've ever been pissed at Jeff Foxworthy for making money telling your life's stories.

You're Red if you take pics of your truck with the thought that it adds validity to your bragging rights.

Not in any order:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/10mmsheepdog/IMG_0080.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/10mmsheepdog/IMG_0082.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/10mmsheepdog/liberals.gif

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/10mmsheepdog/vote.gif

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/10mmsheepdog/Oops.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/10mmsheepdog/stuck.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/10mmsheepdog/IMG_2207.jpg

[OTGBOSTON]

On a scary note, if some kind of apocalypse ever comes about you know damn well the rednecks will out survive ALL the city folk so the future of humanity will be from redneck genes.:|: Isn't that heart warming.;)

I've seen that movie, its call idiocracy.

[The Branch Doctor]

I've got 3 words for ya... Get 'er done!:givebeer:

[lumberjack]

Forgot: You're school is Red if the prom is held next to a Hotel that rents by the hour for logistical ease.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v639/10mmsheepdog/Girls/carlandamyjuniorprom.jpg

You may be Red if your town has an ordinance against "relations" in a vehicle and it's the most common reason for talking to the popo's.

You live in the Red if Bank's declare opening day a holiday.

Know what Redneck Chrome is? You're Red.

Your Red if you drove a vehicle that was too old to have a hands free cell phone holder put in at the cellular store, so instead, you fashion one yourself out of duck tape. Bonus points if it's on the steering wheel.

[JIML]

.........................

[Paul B]

LJ, that prom date of yours is a pretty gal! :)

[Chisel Tooth]

Some more Rednecks.

[fishhuntcutwood]

Now what the crap kind of statement was that? I was born redneck, I was raised redneck, it's ingrained, it's not a choice!!!
No, it's not racist, but it's prejudicial just the same!! MAN, picking on people just because the way they are raised, and they don't know better because they are undereducated and nobody seems to care, but it's sure easy to take a pot shot at us isn't it?
Man, thats just sick!

Hey man, I meant nothin' by it! I was born in the hills too my brother! People make fun of the way I talk, the fact that I've been noodlin', the fact that I've eaten squirrel brains, the fact that I had a shotgun when I was five, but never owned a BB gun, the fact I've never owned a truck without mud tires, I've been to LEGAL cockfights..... And yeah, I used "they" in my post, but that's because I don't live in Southern Indiana anymore, and I've not owned a beagle for a long time. I'm a refined redneck now. I haven't been in a state were noodlin' is legal since '99.

I meant no insult by it. But I stand by it, people make jokes about me because it's my choice to catch catfish with my bare hands. It's my choice to have camoflauge seat covers in my truck. It's my choice to keep my saws in my house. It's a lifestyle, and it's a choice. Nothin' wrong with being a redneck.

[Stumper]

.....and of course the original derivation of the term refers to sun exposure due to working out of doors. Even the most genteel of caucasian Treehousers cannot escape being a redneck. At its root it simply means white labourer. The term IS disparaging and dismissive but, praise God and His redneck children, hardworking white southerners (and everywhere else, thank you Jeff Foxworthy) gladly wear it as a badge of honor. Perhaps that explains some of the Psycology that causes many American negros to accept calling one another "nigger" while objecting to white people using that word. I don't mind being called a redneck by my fellow rednecks but someone who seemingly regards themself as above physical labour referencing me as such would obtain a cool reception.

[fishhuntcutwood]

Agreed Justin. I think maybe that's why Andy took exception to my post. I thought everyone here knew I was red. But maybe not, and he thought I was knocking it.

Sorry Andy! I still feel bad about rufflin' yer feathers.

[Skwerl]

Andy's feathers need ruffling once in a while. ;)

[Frans]

I think it is different here where I live in occupied mexico (ca.) Here whitey is a true minority.

[sawinredneck]

Hey man, I meant nothin' by it! I was born in the hills too my brother! People make fun of the way I talk, the fact that I've been noodlin', the fact that I've eaten squirrel brains, the fact that I had a shotgun when I was five, but never owned a BB gun, the fact I've never owned a truck without mud tires, I've been to LEGAL cockfights..... And yeah, I used "they" in my post, but that's because I don't live in Southern Indiana anymore, and I've not owned a beagle for a long time. I'm a refined redneck now. I haven't been in a state were noodlin' is legal since '99.

I meant no insult by it. But I stand by it, people make jokes about me because it's my choice to catch catfish with my bare hands. It's my choice to have camoflauge seat covers in my truck. It's my choice to keep my saws in my house. It's a lifestyle, and it's a choice. Nothin' wrong with being a redneck.


DAMNIT JEFF!!!!!!! I thought you knew me beter than that!!!!! Everybody else ignored my ass, but you took the bait hook line and sinker!!!:lol:
Sorry buddy, no offense was taken, I was just razin ya, I is what I is, an I LIKE IT!!!!:D

Yes, I is a REDNECK!!!

[fishhuntcutwood]

Damnit! It's like you and Gary "fighting" over at AS. Nah, I thought I'd offended you with the goat comment or something.

I'm serious though, I'm from the hills and I've done things that'd make alot of civilized people's head spin. But I've not lived down home for better than ten years now, so alot of my habits have faded. But there's to this day people in my home town of 400 people that don't have indoor plumbing. As such I felt qualified to comment on goats and beer cans.

And I thought you'd had a bad day at work er somethin and I'd offened ya.

Well fine then. Someday you and me meet up, and the first case is on me. ;)

[sawinredneck]

Nah, I was seeing everybody going right along with it, so I had to put up a fight:lol:
I figured you'd see right through my BS.

Goats huh? I wonder if you could cook that like a drunken chicken, run a stick all the way through it, build a little tri-pod under neath and rest it on a beer can:lol:

[Chisel Tooth]

Nah, I was seeing everybody going right along with it, so I had to put up a fight:lol:
I figured you'd see right through my BS.

Goats huh? I wonder if you could cook that like a drunken chicken, run a stick all the way through it, build a little tri-pod under neath and rest it on a beer can:lol:

A small keg? :lol:

[sotc]

Someday you and me meet up, and the first case is on me. ;)

theres a redneck comment if i ever heard one:D

[sawinredneck]

A small keg? :lol:

I like the way you think!!!! One of them little little kings or somethin!!!

[Chisel Tooth]

Redneck ingenuity :lol:

[fishhuntcutwood]

Goats huh? I wonder if you could cook that like a drunken chicken, run a stick all the way through it, build a little tri-pod under neath and rest it on a beer can:lol:

My Mom and Dad are conosiuers (sp?) of drunken chicken.

[sawinredneck]

I've had one or two of them Jeff:D

Run what ya brung Mike, run what ya brung:P

[vharrison]

theres a redneck comment if i ever heard one:D

:lol:

[Chisel Tooth]

Some pix

[The Branch Doctor]

Hey Andy, you played that one pretty good. Even I thought you were pist. Hell, I was debating if I wanted to bust your balls for getting butt-hurt over redneck commentary.

Nice play dude, ya had me fooled.:D

[Frans]

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[MasterBlaster]

That's pretty cool, ha.

[sawinredneck]

Hey Andy, you played that one pretty good. Even I thought you were pist. Hell, I was debating if I wanted to bust your balls for getting butt-hurt over redneck commentary.

Nice play dude, ya had me fooled.:D

Thank you:lol: I didn't think Jeff would get rattled that bad about it though.

I figured all of the ignorant things I have done, I can't say too much, other than I am red through and through!!:P

Red Green Rocks Frans, I love that show!!
"If you're women can' find you handsome, at least they'll find you handy!"

[stehansen]

I thought the funniest line in The Dukes of Hazard was when I think the black urban guys called the Duke brothers hillbillies, and one of them said "we prefer Appalachian American".

[Chisel Tooth]

Red Green he's a hoot.

[Frans]

I thought the funniest line in The Dukes of Hazard was when I think the black urban guys called the Duke brothers hillbillies, and one of them said "we prefer Appalachian American".

You know those were good 'ol boys, and I know they never meant no harm to anyone, but....not the smartest guys.

This one episode they broke the tractor, spent most of the show fixing it and at the end they got it running.
Last shot was them getting air and doing wheelies!

Now how smart was that?

Any good 'ol redneck (or appalachian american) knows that a tractor is way to important to be doing bunny hops and getting air with it.

Why my old man woulda tarred my hind end if he saw me doing that!
:|:

[sotc]

thats cause he wasnt to busy making moonshine:)

[The Branch Doctor]

thats cause he wasnt to busy making moonshine:)

:lol::lol:

[Cobleskill]

I used to let our 1020 JD roll down a hill backwords untill it got up to 3 or 4 mph and then pop the clutch. I could carry a wheelie 15 or 20 feet and set it down nice and smooth. My teenage buddy from down the road tried to one up me when no one was around. He must have let it roll down the hill farther to pick up more speed. He told me the clutch blew up for no good reason. Dad sent it to the JD dealer to get it fixed and they knew exactly what happened. I guess the clutch was blown into tiny fragments. Dad didn't blow his top much as I thought he would. I guess my buddy helping on the farm most of the time for free balanced out the damage he did. If my kids buddy did it I don't think he would have been around anymore.

[stehansen]

You know those were good 'ol boys, and I know they never meant no harm to anyone, but....not the smartest guys.

This one episode they broke the tractor, spent most of the show fixing it and at the end they got it running.
Last shot was them getting air and doing wheelies!

Now how smart was that?

Any good 'ol redneck (or appalachian american) knows that a tractor is way to important to be doing bunny hops and getting air with it.

Why my old man woulda tarred my hind end if he saw me doing that!
:|:


Not to mention dangerous. In a car at least you have a cab around you, but in a tractor you are just hanging out there. If you flip it over, that may very well be the last thing that you do on this earth. I realize that it was television, and therefore not real, plus they were playing up the stereotype to get a few laughs. Watching some guy cultivating corn or whatever isn't very humerous, unless he does something totally idiotic. I pulled a few tractor stunts in my day. I was working for my Uncle moving apricot bins out of the field with these tractors with a forklift forks made on the 3-point and my Uncle had just watered down the yard and it was very slick and my cousins came in there as fast as the tractor would go (about 15 mph) and cranked his wheels over and the tractor made a couple of spins before coming to a stop. Well that started the contest. It didn't end until my other cousin flattened a rear tire on his tractor and then we were out there trying to cover up all the skid marks through the mud. Good thing my Uncle was in the local bar for one of his 3 (or more) martini lunches. Gave us time to get the tire fixed and get the yard full of apricot bins before he came back.

[Cobleskill]

Our tractor had a back-blade on it so it couldn't really go over.

Another wheelie episode- My dad walked up to me to talk about what i should do next with the tractor so I pushed the clutch in and held it thinking it would be a 10 second conversation. When it turned into a longer talk I bumped the shifter up a click (JD 4010) into nuetral and lifted my foot off the clutch. The tractor jumped into a 4 foot wheelie and almost ran over my dad. I swore that i had it in nuetral and I knew I did. Years later the same thing happened with my dad on the tractor and hired man in front of the back tire. I heard the story from the hired man but I didn't confront Dad with an I told you so. I felt better knowing he knew I was right though. Turns out the linkage was worn and needed to be rebuilt.

[TC3]

I have a push mower that the guard fell off of.
I wired a piece o' coffee can onto it. It was not pretty.
This season will see me on Craig's List for a free mower.